Losing-weight bullying?

MitarashiDango
Bento-ing from: Melbourne › Australia
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
User offline. Last seen 5 years 23 weeks ago.

Has anyone ever made some rather extreme thoughts about you losing weight?

I have.
Apparently, my housemates (who are trying to lose weight too) do not seem to happy about me losing weight because I eat less. It seems to me that they now see me as anorexic because of what I eat and the fact that I say no to unhealthy foods :c They even think I don't eat when I DO eat! I only make healthy changes to my eating, that's all.

As I know I needed to lose quite a bit, I decreased my carb portion a little and upped my vege intake. One of my housemates said that if you want to lose weight, don't snack. So I did, although sometimes I cheat a little... I'm also just like my dad, we prefer vegetables to meat. My family also leans more to vegetarianism than being omnivores. I do not have time to exercise because of my schedule, so I walk whenever I could but often end up playing tag with the train to uni.. Also, thanks to bento-ing, I'm accustomed to stop eating once I'm full. I tried to eat a little more yesterday (because of my housemates) and I felt very, very sick.
I have not lost as much as I should be able to when I really go on diet - i.e. skip meals and boot-camp exercise the weights off. If I were to do that, I'd already lost the amount I should lose by now..

Many people who are close to me have said I look as if I've lost a lot (but my best friends did not though). I'd like to take that as encouragements but sometimes, the comments sometimes go a little too far.

My parents are aware of this but they continue to support me in my journey because the reason I put on those extra 10-15kgs last year was due to a very bad "stress". Losing those extra weights could be one of the way to help me not recall that "stress" ever again, so I really wish I could do this.

Help?
These thoughts really bother me :'c

____________________________________

[black]magic from Dango-kun's kitchen

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bronwyncarlisle
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Bento-ing from: Dunedin › New Zealand
Joined: 12 Jan 2009
User offline. Last seen 1 year 36 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

So long as you are eating really sensibly (no less than 1200 kcal a day) and you are no less than the theoretical healthy weight for your height and age, don't take any notice of those people. That sort of behaviour is what drug addicts tend to do when their mates try to give up drugs, or what some smokers do if a friend tries to give up. They're NOT friends, and they don't have your best interests at heart.

On the other hand, be quite honest with yourself - ARE you eating sensibly? We can't see how big you are or how much you are really eating, and sometimes it is only the people who live with you who are in a position to notice if you are developing unhealthy eating habits. I work with an anorexic woman who eats huge amounts of green vegetables - they have virtually no calories and lots of fibre, and as a person's total diet are VERY unhealthy.

It is important for you to have the confidence to be able to ignore unproductive criticism, but you must also be able to tell the difference between that and sincere concern for your wellbeing from people who care about you.

____________________________________

Bronwyn

My blog is Food and Shoes

Loretta
Moderator
Bento-ing from: London › UK
Joined: 4 Mar 2009
User offline. Last seen 1 year 16 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

I agree whole heartedly with Bronwyn on this.

The most important thing here is that you are being honest with yourself.

But on the bullying front, this is a situation I understand very well. As a child (and right up into my early twenties) I was extremely thin. Thin enough, and a late enough developer, to match the image of an anorexic. In the 80s anorexia was just coming into the public consciousness and a particular teacher in my school (the vice principal, a nun at a boarding establishment) decided I had this condition.
Nothing could have been further from the truth, I felt starved at school and would eat the leftovers from other girls plates. I also HATED being so thin and craved a voluptuous figure, every penny of my pocket money went on high calorie snacks.
Unfortunately, once others have decided that you have an eating disorder that is what they see. This nun reported to my parents that my house matron had informed her that I didn't eat enough at meal times and that other girls had expressed concern to her that I was making myself sick in the toilets. Why she did this still baffles me, the house matron knew I was always in the queue for second helpings and denied ever saying this to her and I may never know if the reports from fellow pupils were real or not.
But you can imagine the situation, were my parents to believe a nun in a position of authority or an 'anorexic girl', a condition that almost invariably involves lies and deceit from the sufferers?

Basically, the worst kind of bullying sometimes does come from people who genuinely do have your best interests at heart. Unfortunately, a wrong conclusion can lead them to perceive everything you do in a negative way and they themselves add fuel to their own suspicions. Once someone decides you have an eating disorder it really can be very hard to prove otherwise.

Please accept my sympathies, mitarashi dango, be honest and take good care of yourself. It could well be that your flat mates do care about you, but their own food prejudices and assumptions are causing them to misinterpret your own habits. Alas, I don't know how you can deal with this other than ignore their comments accepting that they are well meaning but misguided. I don't envy your position, I'm just happy that you are old enough to understand it.

maki
admin
Bento-ing from: somewhere › France
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Re: Losing-weight bullying?

MitarashiDango, it sounds to me like you are losing weight in a healthy way. If you are confident that you are doing things right, then you don't have to worry. Other peoples' opinions are just that, their opinions. If your housemates are trying to lose weight too and not succeeding, they might even be jealous about your success and trying to sabotage you - you never know!

If your parents and family are understanding of your situation, that's the most important thing. You may want to consult a nutritionist or other health professional at some point to check that you are losing weight in the right way. Keeping a food diary to see how much you are really eating can help also.

____________________________________

The Big Onigiri.

- Wherever you go, there you are. -

pii_bii
Bento-ing from: Newcastle-upon-Tyne
Joined: 6 Jan 2009
User offline. Last seen 3 years 33 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

It sounds like you are doing all the right things, MitarashiDango, and I support and admire anyone who is trying to change their life for the better. It may be hard, but try and focus on yourself and what you know to be true, rather than others' opinions. When people have nothing better to do, (or like Maki says, if they are not doing so well at dieting!) they seem to 'pick holes' in what others are doing and it's not fair.
It sounds like you've really been making an effort, and your parents, who understand and know you possibly better than anyone and understand the reasons why you gained the weight, are obviously a source of support. If you know in your heart that you are doing the best you can, try and focus on the positive enjoyable aspects like trying out new recipes, and remember all the positive things you can about your weight loss so far. I think it's great you are being sensible about weight loss and not crash dieting or skipping meals. Keep at it, and try not to be discouraged; what you're doing is worthy of praise and support.

MitarashiDango
Bento-ing from: Melbourne › Australia
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
User offline. Last seen 5 years 23 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

Thank you for your support, everyone!! They really made my day!

As far as I know, weightloss of about 1-2lbs per week is considered as healthy. This was said as fat loss as 1lb of fat = 3500cal. So I decrease my daily cal needs by about 500. Within almost 8 weeks (of uni and bento-ing), I've lost almost 4kgs. I never skip meals unless I really forgot (which is rare). I do not have time to exercise, so best I could do is to make healthy swaps to what I am eating and try to do some "incidental" exercises whenever I could. As usual, I play tag with the train that takes me to uni for my classes (I'm always late). In addition, I develop good sleeping habits by going to bed by 12 and waking up at 7 (I used to be able to pull several nightovers in a row, but that's no good).
Being healthier makes me happy and the amount of weight lost becomes a treat. However, shoving me into the group of peoples who are very obsessive about their weight and would go to extremes to lose them saddens me.

Today, at lunch, my friends and I saw this extremely skinny girl who looks very anorexic (I think the circumference of her thighs are smaller than a 600ml coke bottle). She was hungrily grazing a small pear and heating up her cup of coffee in the microwave (which could have cold because she's had it since morning)... We ended up talking about her right after she left till we went for class, but anyway, I told my housemates about this after my dinner and their replies made me a little angry. They said that they won't care and it could have been because of genes; it's better to be fatter and went on mentioning what they've had during the day.. Well, I told myself, "what have you been thinking about me losing weight?"

You guy are right, I have made good progresses to myself. I will keep this up and use their words as motivator.

bronwyncarlisle
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Bento-ing from: Dunedin › New Zealand
Joined: 12 Jan 2009
User offline. Last seen 1 year 36 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

It sounds as though you have been doing exactly the right things with your weight loss. Keep up the good work.

Loretta
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Bento-ing from: London › UK
Joined: 4 Mar 2009
User offline. Last seen 1 year 16 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?
MitarashiDango wrote:

Today, at lunch, my friends and I saw this extremely skinny girl who looks very anorexic (I think the circumference of her thighs are smaller than a 600ml coke bottle). She was hungrily grazing a small pear and heating up her cup of coffee in the microwave (which could have cold because she's had it since morning)... We ended up talking about her right after she left till we went for class

Aren't you doing the very same thing with this girl, who's eating habits you know nothing about, as what you have described the girls who live with you are doing to you?
I was very sad to read this part of your post, I thought this thread was about how wrong it was to be making these kind of assumptions.

MitarashiDango
Bento-ing from: Melbourne › Australia
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
User offline. Last seen 5 years 23 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

I knew I was and I'm very sorry, and my friends were there too. The girl was such in a sorry state that one could immediately tell that she has not been eating properly. We cannot help it, she was just skin and bones. Besides, they were talking about my so-called diet lunch before they saw this girl.
Once again, I am very sorry to everyone but there are times when I really cannot help what I see. I hope that girl was just having some financial problems or studies-related stress..

I think I should mind less about others sometimes.. ^^;

Saffronkitten
Bento-ing from: London › UK
Joined: 26 May 2009
User offline. Last seen 5 years 25 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

Well done on loseing weight!

i found this wih my work mates. according to my bmi, i'm normal, but when bloated i do go over into overweight, so i thought "hey, few pounds can't hurt right?" i noticed that although my friends were being nice to my face, the amount of sweets hidden under the till went up, and i was consatntly hearing "where are you going for lunch...oh wait, you're on a diet"

same with smoking, i trying to give up, but i'm always being offered fags.

best advice i ever heard was from a magazine, it was an article called how toxic are your friends, if i can find it i'll scan it and upload it. basically, you don't tell them your dieting, or going to he gym or whatever because they will see it as a threat to your existing relationship. I was big in school and lost alot of weigh and my circle of friends changed. thats because i was the fat friend. when i was no longer that the dynamic shifted and we grew out of each other.

ahh the status quo, ain't it great!

anon.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

It's true. However, they could just be jealous of your effort and determination?

It's understandable to feel frustrated when others around you and losing weight easily and you just can't. For example...me. I've been running, playing tennis, eating healthy and STILL NOT LOSING ANYTHING. Which is frustrating. :( Any ideas why?

maki
admin
Bento-ing from: somewhere › France
Joined: 24 Jan 2007
User offline. Last seen 4 weeks 2 days ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

Hi anon. If you have been exercising a lot, it could be that you are increasing your muscle mass, which is denser than fat. So you could actually be losing fat and inches/cm, but it's just not showing on the scale. That's why it's important to use a measuring tape to measure yourself as well as to weigh yourself to track your progress. Also, you may want to try noting down what you are eating; it could be that you are still taking in more calories than you need to lose weight, even if you are eating healthy. Good luck!

MitarashiDango
Bento-ing from: Melbourne › Australia
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
User offline. Last seen 5 years 23 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

Sometimes I think so too. That makes you be able to deduce who really cares for you and who are actually jealous of you. Nevertheless, real friends are those who care for your happiness :)

With the course of torturous assignments (the 1st wave had just ended, there will be another next week), I have been on a roller coaster too with late night grazing and healthy eating. When I eat more (a lot more), I find that they're a little nicer to me. Especially when they know that I've been eating a lot at night and polising off a box of shapes (those flavored crackers from arnott's) and a sleeve of peanut butter chocolate oreos.. ^^;

MitarashiDango
Bento-ing from: Melbourne › Australia
Joined: 28 Feb 2009
User offline. Last seen 5 years 23 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

As Maki's said, you could have just lost your fat for muscle, which is not a bad thing at all because muscles help to increase your metabolism.
Perhaps, you could try watching your salk intake because salt retains water. You might have been retaining some water weight when you have already lost some.

schwarzi
Joined: 2 Jul 2009
User offline. Last seen 5 years 20 weeks ago.
Re: Losing-weight bullying?

MitarashiDango don't be to strict with yourself and be patient. 2 years ago I also tried to lose weight and at first I wasn't successful and almost gave up when suddlenly the pounds started flying off me :-)
However, just eating healthy alone won't do. What about your exercising habits? Do you practice any sports. I have read articles in lots of healthy weight loss blogs and in all of them it says that long term weight loss isn't possible if you don't do physical exercises.
I started swimming and this really helped me to lose weight. I am sure you will also find a sport you enjoy.

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